The world is my jester.

Feeling chipper. This weekend is going to be stellar. BlackHand this weekend. First show with their new bassist, Walt. Come out!  It’s all coming along swimmingly. I’m having mini-piphanies all over the place. Good in my book.  I feel like going out dancing. Problem that clubs don’t play clutch and Queens of the Stone Age (everything homme touches musically  is sexy). I don’t do beyonce and Lady Gaga.  It should be said I am a creature of habit. I listen to Clutch almost every day. I pick out the same 20 cds every time I want music. I will Always be dancing and singing…especially if I am in the kitchen. (it has great acoustics) I quote Eddie Izzard about five times a day. I’d live in the same 8 band shirts if I could. I always have a coke in my hands. I do my hair the same every day because I hate getting primped up and it’s super easy. If asked what I’ll take to drink, I’ll probably always say 7&7 because whiskey is where it’s at.  I am what I am and I’m nothing I’m not. If I’m not what I am then I’m noting at all.  P.S I’m going to start writing. Really writing..what I want. As part of my mini epiphany…I’ve realized that the time for editing is coming to a close. It’s had its moment in the sun and was highly overrated.I’ve always been afraid to put in writing anything that might leak out and bust me. Now if it leaks…no use crying over spilt milk. Lick it up, Heather…lick…it…up. So, Soon, there will be something NEW out there. All the things I want to say, but don’t. Some of you will not be invited along for the ride.  Take no offense. This isn’t for sensitive ears.  I don’t think those of you shut out are going to like what I have to say.

Annnnd here’s a simple compilation of things that make me laugh. It’s a day that is in serious need of some humor.

 


Voila! C’est Incroyable or croyable.

No sleep for the weirded out.

Oh goodness, I’m in one of those ridiculous writing moods where I need some quippy interaction. However, these moods come on at 11pm or after and the rest of the world needs that thing we like to refer to in my little circle of one as “playing dead”. I just realized that saying “we” and “circle of one” is making me sound incredibly Sybil. Half of you didn’t even get that. What’s worse is that I know you didn’t…and I still posted it.  I have hope for you still, little grasshopper.

Any who, I will start this off with my short and sweet to the point  rant in spark notes form. If you insist on putting deceased celebrities on a pedestal, at least pick  ones that it might be mildly believable. I’ll do one better. If you insist on putting ANY celebrity (alive or dead) on a pedestal…so forth and so on. Let me choose my words carefully from here on out so that no one gets all testy with me.  Time for tonite’s horrible metaphor of no importance.  It’s like this, You have what you think is a great meal at an overpriced restaurant. Fast forward to tomorrow when you get a ferocious case of the food poisoning.  Now a week from now are you going to look back and remember that meal fondly? Heck no! You’re going to think, “That place was tainted and let’s not paint a pretty picture for the masses.”  By the way, after seeing The Network, everything is way more awesome with “the” in front of it. Case in point…”the food poisoning”.  Ooo or the plague…oh, that kind of always works that way.

Next, moving on to pointless rants about nothings. A.) I’m getting paranoid about things shrinking. Let me expand…I swear that was purely coincidental. Candy bars are not what they once were.  I’m sure that it is probably because they are concerned with America’s growing waste line. Shucks, those corporations..always looking out for the little guy. Ok, so I’m not worried about shrinking dinner proportions. The U.S. has that down pat. I’m fairly sure war would ensue if McDonald’s  took its menu sizes down a notch. Something would secede from something.  You like that? That’s knowledge speaking right there.  Call me encyclopedia. Ms.Britannica if your nasty. I don’t know. It’s late and for some reason Janet Jackson references are running rampant. I guess I can’t say one is “running rampant. ” But I think one is still probably one too many. Shrinking! That’s where I was. so, clothing…shrinking. Wait. List time. Expand Vs. Contract
commercials =  expand
tv shows = contract
amy winehouse’s popularity = expand
my ability to shut it about said popularity = contract
Justin Bieber = expanding and contracting
Conundrum.  Let me explain. I have this newly developed theory that he’s been expanding and taking in territory, but that his annoying repertoire is going to contract like a black hole sucking all of his worthless “musical and entertainment endeavors” down with it. I wish on a star every nite. I think it’s only taking so long to come full circle due to the humidity. It’s hard to find a star in the sky lately. Give it time. “There is growing consensus that supermassive black holes exist in the centers of most galaxies.” – Wikipedia. Their words not mine. It’s nice of them not to just come out and use his name though. It might have to do with legality issues though…probably.

That was a crap list, by the way. I know no defeat though. I’m going to let it stay simply because it ends with Bieber bombing. How doe someone with a supercuts do get to be a celebrity? I’m just saying. This has been bothering me for awhile.  I’m feeling a case of the misanthropies coming on…and I like it.  I swear, Karma…by September I’ll be on the up and up. Maaaybe October. January at the latest…unless I take a sabbatical.

Swanker

Final note. BlackHand show Saturday at Bank Shots in Pike Creek! I’m highly anticipating this show. Band wives, I’ll expect to see you all present! Annnnd unconscious.

Living on the edge of a slippery slope with good intentions

All those phrases people use. Nuts. First, I’m pretty sure the pathway to hell is not paved with good intentions. Second, of course it’s a slipper slope. Third, I’ll address the edge business even though it isn’t technically one of “Those phrases”. I find this phrase to be…lame. It’s something I picture hearing a “supposed risk taker” in an 80’s flick saying to a dweeb that he needs to exploit. Also, hello Aerosmith. Bon Jovi was livin on a prayer. To both I say, death to the tyrants! Bon jovi is so close to James Taylor on my crap list that they could do a pound…if either of them was cool enough to do such a thing…which they aren’t.

Also, punctuation rant. I am the queen of the over-use of the period…………Why you ask? In all honesty, I feel like pausing is a vital aspect of speaking….and the other punctuation just isn’t cutting it. However, tonite was an exclamation point type of nite. Why you ask again? My, aren’t we inquisitive this evening? (Questions answered with questions are awesome. eg. “What’s with you today?”  “What’s with today, today?”) Some of you got that. Some of you didn’t. I weep for those who are staring at that reference blankly. I said blankly and had a flashback to Blank Man. That was a sad two seconds. Damon Wayans, the saddest of the wayans brothers solely because of that voice and big bald head of his. Although, no matter what others say, I did kind of love Earth Girls Are Easy. Mock me all you want. I care not. “A UFO landed in my pool and they captured me but we made friends and I fed them Pop-Tarts and they’re here now but Ted’s coming home tonight so we’ve got to cut their hair.” Wait, now that I think about it, Damon had the best roles of the Wayans….so maybe life compensated him for the voice and bald head.  Hmm, who knew life was a philanthropist. Oh, back to the topic at hand, punctuation! That’s right, exclamation point! Because after all, an exclamation point is just a period that can bungee jump…or commit suicide. One is definitely more bleak. I’m more of an under-score girl myself. You know, out of the way. Not like 6 feet in the ground out of the way. However, if the exclamation point is doing itself in….   !  ->  _     If p then q, people.  Rambling. Moving on.

Different realm of rant. Kids and sickness. Now, I’m not a doctor, but it seems to me that kids are doing this whole sickness dealy a lot more often lately. I mean granted, I wasn’t tallying how many kids were out when I was in school, but I know that I was rarely ever sick. Now, that’s not because I was some freakishly healthy child. So, my assumption is that there is some other reason why kids are ALWAYS sick. My kid, yea…sick…again. Is the plague starting up again or something? Did I miss the memos being tacked to our front doors about the black death? My phone is a little shoddy at times, so maybe I’m missing the state alerts or something. I know when there is a tornado watch I get the announcements. Is it a low budget issue? It seems to me that there are a couple other programs that could have gone first before disabling the hotline for plague awareness. I also know that the Toll booth on 95 near our house is like $5 a pop also and I figure that alone might cover the alert system. I mean, fifty million cars piled up, waiting to cram through those tolls at $5/car = cha ching. Just saying. Where was I? Oh, kids get sick a lot. End rant. P.s. I don’t really believe an apple a day does anything to keep the doctors at bay. Sounds like a scheme by apple growers, if you ask me. Truly, end rant.

Tattoos? To be or not to be, that is the question. I’d love to get some. AAAAAnd at the same time I’m a big wussy. Then I remind myself of people I have known that have tattoos and think…if they can do it, boy George, so can I! (see what I did there? Accident…but I’m not fixing it.)I don’t know how George is, but apparently he was a doer.  No, there will be no roses, no chinese symbols, no freaky little cherubs or vines crawling anywhere. There will be nothing in shades of pink or written in curvy little sparking letters with stars. I’m so very picky.  But I’ve got a plan. And no, you are not privy to it…or my inner workings. I like to keep it on the D.L. Piercings, however, I do not think are in my future.

I probably won’t have any shows to go to in the month of June (due to my trip) and that’s making me a bit antsy.  Mind you, there are two awesome BlackHAnd shows this month. First, June 3rd at JB McGuinnes in New Castle. Second, June 10th at Mojo 13. I will sadly be gone for both, but am sure they will rock the socks off your ever-loving feets, should you choose to accept this mission. We have a load of concerts this year though and not having one in June is disappointing. APC is in July though. I can make it, I can make it. Oh, except I have been informed that Josh Freese (the drummer) is not going on tour with them because he is drumming with Weezer. What the heck is that?!?!?! Seriously. First, A Perfect Circle hasn’t toured in what, six years…and he’s not coming along with them? That’s messed up. And let’s add insult to injury, he’s leaving them behind to tour with Weezer. Really?! Ok, now here is where I calm some of you down. Old Weezer = good. New Weezer = !  -> _     Refer to former segment on punctuation if you are having trouble.

And I’m done for tonite. Time to sleep and have some weird dreams. I watched a documentary on The birth of rock n’ roll, so I will probably dream about Jerry Lee Lewis or Chuck Berry or something. Buddy Holly was there, but if I dream of him, it will probably connect to my irritation with the whole weezer scenario and things might get messy. P.s. old blues= beyond awesome.
P.s.s  dreamt of taking pictures of ghosts last nite. Pretty sure they were playing simon says. Also, a friend was singing some emo/jared leto, I wear eyeliner and can’t see past my hardcore hair song while the pictures were being taken at a shindig. My dreams are on drugs.

Surprise, Surprise…May 21st and we’re all still here.

The ever amazing Clutch in all their glory played an incredible show as per…always. Bought some goodies as well. Always nice. Ooo and the Blast Tyrant re-release, which is stellar. Reverb was pretty cool. Got pretty close to the stage at points. However, they need to do something about their serious lack of air circulation in that building. By about 20 mins into the show, I am pretty sure there wasn’t a person in there who wasn’t soaked…and I do mean SOAKED. Well worth it for Clutch though. I’d still like to do another show there in the future. Here’s the set list and a little bit of entertainment to boot. Enjoy…I did.

Set List:

01 Intro
02 50,000 Unstoppable Watts
03 Pure Rock Fury
04 Power Player
05 La Curandera
06 The Mob goes Wild
07 Profits of Doom
08 Child Of the City
09 Immortal
10 The Soapmakers
11 Open up the border
12 I have the body of John Wilkes Booth
13 The Promoter
14 Gravel Road
15 Mice and gods
16 Animal Farm
17 Struck Down
18 Electric Worry
19 One Eyed Dollar
20 Encore Break
21 Basket of eggs (acoustic)
22 The Regulator (acoustic)

The obsessions of my tastes..If you’re going to do it…do it right.

This may go in segments. I have yet to decide…but when I do…you’ll know. However, the first segment is MUSIC!!!

This is the magic that makes the world tick…but that’s just one girl’s opinion. Here they are, songs I have been obsessed with (that I am willing to admit) First off, I should mention that as of late…I am attached permanently to all things Homme. Everything that man touches turns to gold. As long as he never does any side projects with James Taylor, we will be good to go. Jimmy Buffet should be included in that as well.
This has nothing to do with my obsessions to start with…but must be addressed. While searching for some sort of evil image for James Taylor..this is what happened.

Oh, James Taylor...you know how I feel about you.

Almost Famous has just been ruined a little bit for me. Does his evil know no end?

Back to happier things. The music dealy. Enjoy.







Yes, segments are apparently necessary.

Epic Awe of the Beard and Stache

I’d say this is all random…but that would be cliche for me.

Late nite whatevers, I suppose I drank too much caffeine tonite…so here I am. Granted, if I went and laid down I am fairly sure I would be out in .2 seconds. I’m not giving in though. Sleep takes up entirely too much of life as of late. It’s becoming a sort of nemesis. I think in the end, it will still win. I never stood a chance. My computer is constantly challenging me about my language. Apparently, it doesn’t appreciate my lingual creativity. Why you gots to bring me down? Yea, it just tried to auto-correct that sentence. I denied it like what. No, that wasn’t a question. Tomorrow I will probably see this entry and find out it was all written in Spanish or some such nonsense. You never can tell what will roll out of your mouth at 2 am. I get into a nice vibe when i write to certain songs and turn into a teenage girl, repeating them over and over. It’s horrid…and necessary all at the same time. I’d like to drop some life changing information on you right now…but it’s not going to happen. Phhsh, you want some life changing info, find it yourself. What I have to say won’t matter as much as what you find on your own. There, even while trying to not be yoda, I’ve succeeded in failing. Fantasteriffic. NO, you may NOT auto-correct me, MAC! I love it for trying though. Curse the days of PC’s!
So, apparently some royals got hitched, an outlaw got caught. I’m not much on the news lately. Forgive me if I am skeptical of all the info provided to me by media outlets. It’s paranoia, I know. But is it justified paranoia…perhaps. Of course that is in reference as to weather Willy and Katie tied the knot. I saw no official documents. I won’t be had this time! Alright, this is just babble now.
I think the dog is getting impatient with me. He keeps sighing really heavily and looking at me. Rushed by a dog. This is messed up. I’m thinking I should win something soon. It’s about time. Been awhile. Just my luck it will be like a dental tray and a thing of mint floss. I hope it’s waxed. Lately I have this feeling that I am going to win everything. I think it might be false confidence. The world makes me have unrealistic expectations. It was this or thinking that I could be like a super model. I figured this was a healthier delusion…and I get to eat. Food really is the best thing since sliced bread…wait…I don’t think that works here. I read through a college guide today. You know, researching classes available to figure out what I want to be when I leave Neverland. There were classic course option such as: Equine pathology, advanced walking techniques I and II, Outdoor adventure education & spanish for the equine industry.  I kid you not. Remind me why college is valid any more? A college diploma is about as reassuring to an employer as an employee of the month plaque from Burger King. It really is a grab bag out there, folks. You never know what you are going to get. Granted, there are good colleges with courses with practical applications. This was obviously not one of them. I think those are few and far between and mostly end up caught in tornados and dropped outside of the continental U.S. (sorry Puerto Rico..that’s a no-go for you too). I’m just bitter…and realistic…but mostly bitter.
And on that note, I’m off to dream about celebrities. I don’t have a choice in the matter. Last nite, Claire Danes was a librarian. I’m pretty sure she was trying to help me escape. It was a mix between Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade and Anne Frank.  I think Dr. Elsa Shneider & I probably shared the same fate in the end. I don’t remember, but I have bad knees and always run like I’m about to have a heart attack in dreams.  On a good moral note, I wasn’t carrying a wooden goblet…so I am probably good on karma. If it’s a dream about high school, I’m going to be in a nasty mood tomorrow. There have been a lot of Heroes references in my dreams as of late. So, I might have super powers…like the ability to walk backwards really fast or bake things in the oven really, really speedily. Utterly useless. The dog is telling me lights out. I’m not even spellchecking…that’s how hardcore I am.

There are so many annoying songs about rain…

It’s been a shocking amount of time since last I posted. Every time I hear the word “shocking” I just think of Will Ferrel in the movie Elf. Some of you get that…some of you don’t. I’m not explaining. So, as of late…well not a whole lot of what you would call “enthralling” things have gone down. The weather has been grade A awesome. Well, it rained today…a lot. The little girl I watch a couple days a week told me that her nana’s mom makes the thunder. I’m not sure exactly what she means there. Needless to say, I just let that one slide. I find that when I try to correct a three year old, I still end up being wrong in the end. Not sure how that works.

Great Grandma, is that you?

This entry isn’t going to be devoted to anything in particular. I’ll just fill you in on the to-do’s and the to-don’ts of my every day whatnots and thing-a-majigs.
First, been trying to whittle down my Netflix queue. I’m not really succeeding too swell there. I’ll never conquer it. I think that may be a good thing though. I watched the movie Easy A the other nite. It was so-so. I’m a little on the fence about it. Let’s just put it this way…I would never purchase it. However, Fred Armisen was enjoyable, despite the fact his role was very minor.
Next, and this is the old school section that will bore the youngins no doubt, I watched An Affair to Remember and Roman Holiday. Now both I am embarrassed to say I have not watched previous to this day. I’m not proud of myself when I say that…but it’s the truth. Both were very good…as I knew they would be.
Look kids, I kept that segment short and sweet so you wouldn’t pass out on your keyboards and wake up with square shapes imprinted on the side of your face. Some of you deserve that though. I however, am not the bringer of punishments and will therefore let it sliiiiide.
Heroes has been on our viewing schedule lately. We are playing catch up. Note: people do not say one-liners in real life. Claire, stop it.

This is a little tid bit I would like to refer to as “The Double Edged Sword”

would be utterly useless. People are such morons.

This segment is going to be both things that I love and hate at the same time. Hence the whole topic name. Let’s begin..
1. Background noises in songs. First, they can be awesome and add to the music in unanticipated ways. However, sometimes they sound like phones and I find myself searching for  the phone  only to realize, they got me..again.

2. Dry erase boards. Fun to write on? Of course.  Easy to use? Naturally. At some point though, they become a little evil. eg. Things don’t erase as they should, your hands are covered in red marker dust every time you touch them. the markers stop working well and it defeats the whole purpose. Purpose of course being ease of use and less time consuming.  Chalk boards are just mostly evil..despite being enjoyable to write on.

3. Corduroy. Now I love corduroy fabric. I think it’s super comfy and looks snazzy…depending on what has been made out of it of course. Skivvies should NOT be made of corduroy…EVER. This should go without saying…but somewhere out there someone is shocked to hear such a revelation. Now the downside…both heat and feel. Sometimes, it feels like a million bucks. Other times, it’s like nails on that evil chalk board I previously mentioned. Friction. I don’t know what it is about corduroy that makes it so darn frictiony. I mean, I guess I can look at it and figure the scenario out…but it’s RIDICULOUSLY frictiony..like start a camp fire ridiculous. Just saying, do not wear corduroy while camping. Smokey will resent you for the rest of forever.

corduroy friction fire. You can run but you will just make it worse.

4. Ahh the obvious caffeine. Now the love reason is beyond apparent. Then there is the hate. Not the whole “keeping me awake when I want to be sleeping thing.” That’s fair game. You drink it, you deal with it. Or the, ironic in this case, phrase…”you make your bed, you sleep in it.” Which you obviously will not be doing. I however could sleep like a baby after guzzling three two liter bottles of mt. dew and downing an entire coffee beanery. (neither of which would I do) You get the gist though. No, the hate is from dun dun dun…withdrawl. That’s right. That hangover feeling that comes when caffeine is not administered in regular increments like glucose to a diabetic. Caffeine, the crack of the law-abiding citizen.

5. Singles. No, not ones. I happen to rather like one dollar bills.  I am talking about music singles. I know that it’s giving out a little taste of what is to come on the entire cd. The bacon on the filet mignon. Well, unless you are talking pop music, then it’s like the suction cups on the still moving squid that is wrapped around your chop stick and might quite possibly choke you. In that sense (the filet mignon sense)…good. However, after about five plays, I will probably not want to hear that song for a good long while. It doesn’t matter if the song is amazing. Once it has been killed…it’s hard to bring it back. And even if it does get saved…it’s never quite the same again. Much like zombies.

I’m sure there will be more of these to come in the future. It is inevitable. For now though…the sword is sheathed. Well not the sword in the picture  because that’s just not happening.

Audio Evolution

Feeling a tribute to all things musical coming on. The more shows and concerts we go to, the more I realize how much I missed seeing live music. I took a 5 year hiatus from concerts thanks to Ozzfest 2003, which left a more than bitter taste in my mouth. What a group. But then something happened. Michael joined a band. Naturally, I wanted to start going to his shows. While there, I had a mini-epiphany…a minipiphany if you will. The reason I stopped going to shows was because of the people attending…which wasn’t why I was there to begin with. I stopped going for all the wrong reasons. So now I am going for all the right ones. I’m there for the music. I’m not at a concert because the lead singer is hot, or I might get to shake hands with fame. I couldn’t care less about that aspect. Fame is fleeting, looks are too. Music is infinity. What and who a person is changes. A song, however, remains in tact, exactly what it was 5, 10, 50 years ago. I’ve realized in my music evolution (and it’s been an embarrassing ride at times) that I look back at stuff I listened to and grimace. It’s not the music that has changed though, it’s me. It correlates with my evolution as a human being. I look back and cringe at how I was in high school. I think we all do, or at least sort of should. We were fickle, naive, illogical..which is exactly what my music tastes were at times. Your music tastes say a lot about the person that puts that cd in the player ( or chooses a song on the mp3 player, to keep up with the technologically savvy).  My music evolution, much like the defining of my life has been a bumpy ride. I started out with the rebellious, loud, improper and transitioned into the mellow, relaxed, calming tunes. Just like life, when I was younger I was free to do as I pleased .Then as a parent I was tethered to life, and it was calm and serene, just like my music. Now that my son is older and can do more for himself, I’m able to branch out on my own more and live a little more separate at times. My music tastes have come full circle, but have balanced. A little rebellious, a bit heavier, but still mixed with the tranquil songs that evoked stability and constancy.  While an in-studio environment provides a more technically “perfect” performance, I really missed the live experience, the unpredictable and spur of the moment sounds. And what’s even more unexpected was that I did miss the crowds. Turns up I was just at the wrong shows  in my music infancy. My first notice of this was at my first Clutch show following my concert absence. The crowd was alive, and completely enveloped in the music. There was a palpable camaraderie as well. Everyone was there for the music, not for a light show or to see the latest trends. I didn’t need anything signed or to get a picture with the band. That’s not why I was there. I don’t know the band, I know the music. I highly respect the band that made that music, but I don’t pretend to be on personal terms with them.

After my realization, I’ve decided that I am going to try to absorb as many shows as possible, my musical osmosis. There won’t be any more hiatuses or lapses in my presence at shows from here on out (if humanly possible) . I’m in it for the long haul. If you were to ask me why I love the music I do, I would tell you  genuineness.  It’s knowing that when a band, or singer stands on a stage or in front of a mic in a studio, that they feel what comes out. That’s what I get out of live shows. It’s standing in a sea of people taking in something tangible, something truly authentic. That’s what makes good music. That’s why I’ll be standing in the audience.

A rare Thursday nite that did anything but suck, courtesy of QOTSA.

Queens of the Stone Age set list, Electric Factory, Philadelphia. PA March 24th, 2011:

  1. Encore:
  2. Encore 2:
  3. The show was incredible. The crowd was anything but lethargic…except that top balcony in the back. Guess where I’m glad I wasn’t? You got it…top balcony in the back. We were decently close to the stage on the right hand side. There was a no smoking policy, but as soon as Homme ignored it…everyone followed suit. The floors were sticky, the air was smokey…and I couldn’t have cared less. Show was spot on. Opening band, the Dough Rollers was really good. Kind of rockabilly, bluesy, old rock. They were great musicians and genuine. I like the type of bands you can feel getting into their music. Good stuff. I’ll definitely be purchasing a cd in the near future.  I got in the wrong line for the pat down on my way in. The staff was like, “Get in the chick line.” However, the chicks patting down seriously looked like dudes…so a sign was needed.  Just stating the truth. Just confusing. We did make a wrong turn after the show and end up in Jersey…unable to turn around. Hello Camden. Hello, lots o’ cops. Goodbye Jersey, hello Philly…and a stop to Dunkin donuts for the second time that nite. *Insert boston creme donut into face here* The stars certainly aligned for this show. Ticketmaster just freakishly had tickets for sale on their site to the sold out show…two days before the concert. Michael had to call the day before the show to get them though because the site wasn’t working. We were able to get a babysitter that same day and there we were. If that’s not fate, I don’t know what is.  I didn’t take pics or video (didn’t want interrupt my music experience)…but enjoy a piece of their magic via someone else’s hard work.


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