Archive for July, 2011

The world is my jester.

Feeling chipper. This weekend is going to be stellar. BlackHand this weekend. First show with their new bassist, Walt. Come out!  It’s all coming along swimmingly. I’m having mini-piphanies all over the place. Good in my book.  I feel like going out dancing. Problem that clubs don’t play clutch and Queens of the Stone Age (everything homme touches musically  is sexy). I don’t do beyonce and Lady Gaga.  It should be said I am a creature of habit. I listen to Clutch almost every day. I pick out the same 20 cds every time I want music. I will Always be dancing and singing…especially if I am in the kitchen. (it has great acoustics) I quote Eddie Izzard about five times a day. I’d live in the same 8 band shirts if I could. I always have a coke in my hands. I do my hair the same every day because I hate getting primped up and it’s super easy. If asked what I’ll take to drink, I’ll probably always say 7&7 because whiskey is where it’s at.  I am what I am and I’m nothing I’m not. If I’m not what I am then I’m noting at all.  P.S I’m going to start writing. Really writing..what I want. As part of my mini epiphany…I’ve realized that the time for editing is coming to a close. It’s had its moment in the sun and was highly overrated.I’ve always been afraid to put in writing anything that might leak out and bust me. Now if it leaks…no use crying over spilt milk. Lick it up, Heather…lick…it…up. So, Soon, there will be something NEW out there. All the things I want to say, but don’t. Some of you will not be invited along for the ride.  Take no offense. This isn’t for sensitive ears.  I don’t think those of you shut out are going to like what I have to say.

Annnnd here’s a simple compilation of things that make me laugh. It’s a day that is in serious need of some humor.



Voila! C’est Incroyable or croyable.

No sleep for the weirded out.

Oh goodness, I’m in one of those ridiculous writing moods where I need some quippy interaction. However, these moods come on at 11pm or after and the rest of the world needs that thing we like to refer to in my little circle of one as “playing dead”. I just realized that saying “we” and “circle of one” is making me sound incredibly Sybil. Half of you didn’t even get that. What’s worse is that I know you didn’t…and I still posted it.  I have hope for you still, little grasshopper.

Any who, I will start this off with my short and sweet to the point  rant in spark notes form. If you insist on putting deceased celebrities on a pedestal, at least pick  ones that it might be mildly believable. I’ll do one better. If you insist on putting ANY celebrity (alive or dead) on a pedestal…so forth and so on. Let me choose my words carefully from here on out so that no one gets all testy with me.  Time for tonite’s horrible metaphor of no importance.  It’s like this, You have what you think is a great meal at an overpriced restaurant. Fast forward to tomorrow when you get a ferocious case of the food poisoning.  Now a week from now are you going to look back and remember that meal fondly? Heck no! You’re going to think, “That place was tainted and let’s not paint a pretty picture for the masses.”  By the way, after seeing The Network, everything is way more awesome with “the” in front of it. Case in point…”the food poisoning”.  Ooo or the plague…oh, that kind of always works that way.

Next, moving on to pointless rants about nothings. A.) I’m getting paranoid about things shrinking. Let me expand…I swear that was purely coincidental. Candy bars are not what they once were.  I’m sure that it is probably because they are concerned with America’s growing waste line. Shucks, those corporations..always looking out for the little guy. Ok, so I’m not worried about shrinking dinner proportions. The U.S. has that down pat. I’m fairly sure war would ensue if McDonald’s  took its menu sizes down a notch. Something would secede from something.  You like that? That’s knowledge speaking right there.  Call me encyclopedia. Ms.Britannica if your nasty. I don’t know. It’s late and for some reason Janet Jackson references are running rampant. I guess I can’t say one is “running rampant. ” But I think one is still probably one too many. Shrinking! That’s where I was. so, clothing…shrinking. Wait. List time. Expand Vs. Contract
commercials =  expand
tv shows = contract
amy winehouse’s popularity = expand
my ability to shut it about said popularity = contract
Justin Bieber = expanding and contracting
Conundrum.  Let me explain. I have this newly developed theory that he’s been expanding and taking in territory, but that his annoying repertoire is going to contract like a black hole sucking all of his worthless “musical and entertainment endeavors” down with it. I wish on a star every nite. I think it’s only taking so long to come full circle due to the humidity. It’s hard to find a star in the sky lately. Give it time. “There is growing consensus that supermassive black holes exist in the centers of most galaxies.” – Wikipedia. Their words not mine. It’s nice of them not to just come out and use his name though. It might have to do with legality issues though…probably.

That was a crap list, by the way. I know no defeat though. I’m going to let it stay simply because it ends with Bieber bombing. How doe someone with a supercuts do get to be a celebrity? I’m just saying. This has been bothering me for awhile.  I’m feeling a case of the misanthropies coming on…and I like it.  I swear, Karma…by September I’ll be on the up and up. Maaaybe October. January at the latest…unless I take a sabbatical.


Final note. BlackHand show Saturday at Bank Shots in Pike Creek! I’m highly anticipating this show. Band wives, I’ll expect to see you all present! Annnnd unconscious.