Posts tagged ‘BlackHand’

The world is my jester.

Feeling chipper. This weekend is going to be stellar. BlackHand this weekend. First show with their new bassist, Walt. Come out!  It’s all coming along swimmingly. I’m having mini-piphanies all over the place. Good in my book.  I feel like going out dancing. Problem that clubs don’t play clutch and Queens of the Stone Age (everything homme touches musically  is sexy). I don’t do beyonce and Lady Gaga.  It should be said I am a creature of habit. I listen to Clutch almost every day. I pick out the same 20 cds every time I want music. I will Always be dancing and singing…especially if I am in the kitchen. (it has great acoustics) I quote Eddie Izzard about five times a day. I’d live in the same 8 band shirts if I could. I always have a coke in my hands. I do my hair the same every day because I hate getting primped up and it’s super easy. If asked what I’ll take to drink, I’ll probably always say 7&7 because whiskey is where it’s at.  I am what I am and I’m nothing I’m not. If I’m not what I am then I’m noting at all.  P.S I’m going to start writing. Really writing..what I want. As part of my mini epiphany…I’ve realized that the time for editing is coming to a close. It’s had its moment in the sun and was highly overrated.I’ve always been afraid to put in writing anything that might leak out and bust me. Now if it leaks…no use crying over spilt milk. Lick it up, Heather…lick…it…up. So, Soon, there will be something NEW out there. All the things I want to say, but don’t. Some of you will not be invited along for the ride.  Take no offense. This isn’t for sensitive ears.  I don’t think those of you shut out are going to like what I have to say.

Annnnd here’s a simple compilation of things that make me laugh. It’s a day that is in serious need of some humor.

 


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Voila! C’est Incroyable or croyable.

No sleep for the weirded out.

Oh goodness, I’m in one of those ridiculous writing moods where I need some quippy interaction. However, these moods come on at 11pm or after and the rest of the world needs that thing we like to refer to in my little circle of one as “playing dead”. I just realized that saying “we” and “circle of one” is making me sound incredibly Sybil. Half of you didn’t even get that. What’s worse is that I know you didn’t…and I still posted it.  I have hope for you still, little grasshopper.

Any who, I will start this off with my short and sweet to the point  rant in spark notes form. If you insist on putting deceased celebrities on a pedestal, at least pick  ones that it might be mildly believable. I’ll do one better. If you insist on putting ANY celebrity (alive or dead) on a pedestal…so forth and so on. Let me choose my words carefully from here on out so that no one gets all testy with me.  Time for tonite’s horrible metaphor of no importance.  It’s like this, You have what you think is a great meal at an overpriced restaurant. Fast forward to tomorrow when you get a ferocious case of the food poisoning.  Now a week from now are you going to look back and remember that meal fondly? Heck no! You’re going to think, “That place was tainted and let’s not paint a pretty picture for the masses.”  By the way, after seeing The Network, everything is way more awesome with “the” in front of it. Case in point…”the food poisoning”.  Ooo or the plague…oh, that kind of always works that way.

Next, moving on to pointless rants about nothings. A.) I’m getting paranoid about things shrinking. Let me expand…I swear that was purely coincidental. Candy bars are not what they once were.  I’m sure that it is probably because they are concerned with America’s growing waste line. Shucks, those corporations..always looking out for the little guy. Ok, so I’m not worried about shrinking dinner proportions. The U.S. has that down pat. I’m fairly sure war would ensue if McDonald’s  took its menu sizes down a notch. Something would secede from something.  You like that? That’s knowledge speaking right there.  Call me encyclopedia. Ms.Britannica if your nasty. I don’t know. It’s late and for some reason Janet Jackson references are running rampant. I guess I can’t say one is “running rampant. ” But I think one is still probably one too many. Shrinking! That’s where I was. so, clothing…shrinking. Wait. List time. Expand Vs. Contract
commercials =  expand
tv shows = contract
amy winehouse’s popularity = expand
my ability to shut it about said popularity = contract
Justin Bieber = expanding and contracting
Conundrum.  Let me explain. I have this newly developed theory that he’s been expanding and taking in territory, but that his annoying repertoire is going to contract like a black hole sucking all of his worthless “musical and entertainment endeavors” down with it. I wish on a star every nite. I think it’s only taking so long to come full circle due to the humidity. It’s hard to find a star in the sky lately. Give it time. “There is growing consensus that supermassive black holes exist in the centers of most galaxies.” – Wikipedia. Their words not mine. It’s nice of them not to just come out and use his name though. It might have to do with legality issues though…probably.

That was a crap list, by the way. I know no defeat though. I’m going to let it stay simply because it ends with Bieber bombing. How doe someone with a supercuts do get to be a celebrity? I’m just saying. This has been bothering me for awhile.  I’m feeling a case of the misanthropies coming on…and I like it.  I swear, Karma…by September I’ll be on the up and up. Maaaybe October. January at the latest…unless I take a sabbatical.

Swanker

Final note. BlackHand show Saturday at Bank Shots in Pike Creek! I’m highly anticipating this show. Band wives, I’ll expect to see you all present! Annnnd unconscious.

The Road to recovery is littered with distractions and…ohh something shiny.

I think I’m just writing tonite. If you are all behaved little children, I may bestow on you a pretty picture at the end of my rantings and filler. This whole daylight savings thing seems to be an utter and complete was of my valuable time. I’m convinced there’s no purpose for it except to…wait, I’ve got nothing.  There is only one man who should control time, and that is none other than the one and only Doctor Who. I pity you if you are ignorant in the ways of the time lord. I’ll let is slip this time though because I’ve just displayed my geeky side and am hoping people forget that little detail about my inner workings.

Show last nite at Mojo was Awesome with a capital “A”. I do have to say, that that is one ridiculously small stage though. I felt bad for everyone because the lights were rather on the bright side as well. With all the beer and sweat that gets poured on that stage on a regular basis,  there’s no way that thing isn’t a petri dish of bacteria. C’est la vie. Everyone played well though, despite the cramped conditions and heat issues. Minus Francis’ slow motion moshing with no one during Iron Man, all was well in the world.  It was just like this…minus the water. Also, side note…must eat before going out. Rooms will spin. Ok, so let’s recap the night.

 

Jagger was doing his best hands impression in front of me
Corey Haim sung at one point.
aaaaand Francis Buxton angered the locals. No pitchforks or torches emerged though.

I found this little gem today. Time line doppelgangers…after horrific lifestyle choices.

 

El Chupacabra in his present form...

 

The vision of what's to come? If this comes to fruition...Chuey gets put down. He would want it that way.

Alright, so not as much writing as I originally supposed. I will leave you with this little tid bit I discovered. Life was weird in a whole different sort of way back in the day.

Advertisement genius.

 

Late nights, shows, candy in bowls, dancing women who have had too much to drink, that’s what Halloween is made of.


I did that Halloween thing the kids have been talking about. Well, I went to Michael’s show tonite to see his band Blackhand. They were quite spectacular if I do say so myself..and I do. I am apparently in the promotion department now. What’s that, 4 times tonite I have mentioned them on the internet? If you look under yahoo’s “What’s trending” tab, you will find their band name. That’s all me. That was also a joke, they aren’t really there…so don’t look. It’s probably something wretched like Jersey shore cast and lithuania. Only one of those is wretched…and it’s not the latter.  There has to be like 9 pop culture items or people on that list and one that you just can’t wrap your head around.  I think they’re just messing with us. So, any who..Saturday was another of Michael’s shows. We went down to Middletown, DE and watched a bunch of bands play.  All in all it was good. It was absolutely cold though. I’m such a wimp. But seriously, this girl doesn’t like being cold. Three scenarios that equal me unhappy and heading toward the nearest door. 1. my nose, fingers and toes have all gone numb from bitter temps, 2. I’ve just gotten something spilt on me..(eg….but not limited to…beer, drinks of any kinds, sauces, food, animal waste products) If i get peed on by pets, all bets are off. I’m going home.  3. crowds. I make exceptions for this last one. However, it has to be a REALLY good exception…like a concert…or gathering with phenomenal food. A dessert tray could bring me to my knees. Behold the power of pudding.  Moving on. Tomorrow I am making Pumpkin turkey chili. It is going to rock the socks off of any other pumpkin dinner I have made thus far…which is none. So, it’s only up from here. Well, unless I massacre it. I won’t let that happen though. I have too high hopes riding on this. What a strange, whirl wind of a weekend.  To end, an article about zombies.

If I were a zombie:An Essay

If I were a zombie, I’d pay special attention to my hair. I wouldn’t have a lot to take pride in, so I would treat my hair as my shining attribute. That is unless my hair had been severely damaged in the fight for survival (which I obviously lost). Previously existing zombies-1, new zombie candidate-nil. Well done to them. If I was a zombie, Iwould try to eat only well educated humans because I would be a snob and require only the best. I guess I would be considered a foodie. I’m not sure if I should be proud of that. Since I am a zombie in this scenario, I probably don’t have to worry about pride any more. If I was turned by a Frenchman, I would be a “Sombie”…because French people always have to try to make everything sound snooty…even the living dead. In all actuality, it would be “Zombi”. I guess they found the “e” unnecessary. One time I am finding the French to be reasonable. I concur. Unlike “un écoeuré écureuil”..which is a disgusted squirrel, in case you were wondering. Fail on that one.

If I were a zombie, I would always wear a comfy velour track suit. I would be running after people all the time any way, so it only makes sense. I would probably look faster standing still too. This would give me the upper hand because the other zombies would see me and think, “I better not race her to get that human. She looks awfully fast.” Note to self, get really good all terrain running shoes. If I was a zombie, I’d start an olympics for zombies. Sorry, it wouldn’t be EOE. No living people allowed. I think I would make the move to Africa If I were a zombie.Probably Zambia or Mozambique. I like themes. I would probably look into the plastination process (eg.bodyworlds) and see what they could hook up for me. I think it would preserve my body for a little longer, but might be a bit stiff. Research will be done.  I would keep my makeup done all the time so maybe it would take the living longer to realize I’m not on the up and up. Another advantage. I’d probably make a great zombie, but they have short attention spans and I find that annoying. So, I’m going to have to opt out of this limited one time offer. But if I change my mind, I already have it all planned out.