Don’t look for any meaning in the title. It doesn’t tie in here in the slightest.  I don’t even have a cute anecdote about pirates or anything. Not even a huge fan of pirates. Like dirty, angry hippies only with scurvy and foot rot.


I don’t actually know that they had any episodes with foot rot. I think maybe only animals with hooves can get it…but I bet they at least had some surreal, unfathomable fungal issues that would literally knock your socks off. On a less disgusting note…my day has been extraordinary. I should edit that…” EXTRA ordinary”. Doesn’t mean it was bad; I just didn’t receive a humanitarian award or create toothpicks. Toothpicks seemed like a pretty “low on the totem pole” break through. Realistic though, up there with bread ties and shoe horns. Really, shoe horns? They have and will always seem completely useless to me. When is the last time anyone actually purchased a shoe horn? Held one? SAW one? Exactly…worthless. That is what the pointer finger is for. And let’s face it, if you can’t fit your finger in there to help you slide that sucker on…you’re not a size 8 1/2…it’s time to face the facts.

the useless shoehorn

Ok, so my day started off with Emery deciding to dump dog shampoo all over my bathroom floor and rug. He first pulled out a bunch of other bottles so he could cover them as well. I’ll admit, he is thorough. Nothing was missed. However, I couldn’t get too mad because it was the really nice dog shampoo that smells like fantabulous mango. That was the morning. Nothing exciting (if you can call that exciting) happened from that point on. Cleaned the house a bit, took care of the kiddo, tried to grasp onto sanity for all its little life was worth. As you can tell from my writing, I only partially succeed at that last part.

I’m ready for spring. Not just tired of winter. It’s not so much that. Winter has been fine…but I NEED spring to hurry its slow moving keester up and get here in a timely fashion. I have decided that Sesame Street was a hermit’s creation to make himself feel as if he was really getting out in the world without actually leaving his comfort zone. So, when you start noticing that I am conversing with six-foot tall canaries or saying things like “Count this penny.” or “”Small b is a boy with a belly.” I’ve gone full on D&D and accepted my fantasy as a lifestyle.

John-john doing his thang

And to end…last nite’s dream. It’s a chop shop of memories and isn’t always comprehendible….much like my actual high school experience.

It was high school. I was late for school because I was doing my hair(real to life at the point of time).I couldn’t get my soda out of the vending machine in the hall way. At one point I was in the basement level of the school and bought a child’s toy that consisted of a dinosaur helmet and a large Brachiosaurus figurine.( Because the basement was naturally a Cosco.) However, after looking the helmet over, I realized that the hole you put your head through was only the size of a baseball. The dinosaur was awesome though…so I bought it any way. I’m a sucker. But don’t worry, I have a huge support group. Apparently,  one of us is born every minute. I believe I took a science test…which involved me chatting on the girl next to me and still some how actually passing. Horrible music was playing the entire dream the loud-speaker as well.  No celebrities to my knowledge. I should mention that in EVERY dream I have about high school, I cannot remember which order I am supposed to go to my classes in and I can’t remember my locker combination. This was also very true to life for me. Also, just like in real life…I hated high school and went home and ate a snack.

Sweet dreams, kids.